"... if I ain't gon' be part of the greatest, I gotta be the greatest myself" ~ Busta Rhymes - Gimme Some More
I don't know how many times I've heard this song over the last 17 years, it's been on almost all of my playlists for just as long. But it wasn't until a few days ago that line just kind of rang in deep with me.
I've been working my ass off to the best that I can to make something happen in my life. Talk to and meet the right people, get in the with the right groups and take every opportunity that was presented. But I never felt like I met up to their standards. There is always someone better. Someone vying for that same spot as me. I usually come in second, if at all. Not that it's all a competition, but we all know second is just the first place loser. Although, I really shouldn't see it that way.
Life in general feels like one huge competition. Always fighting for that job, that raise, that promotion, to be the best parent, to be the friend that's always there, to be the girl/guy your crush wants to date, to just be the damn best at whatever you are aiming for. Let's face it, that shit is exhausting as fuck. Because even if you get that job, you get recognized as an awesome parent at PTA meetings, you get the girl/guy, whatever it is you're just fighting for the next best thing. I think it's in human nature to not just settle, because when you think you reached the top surely enough there's someone higher and better. It's a never ending uphill battle.
I reiterate, life isn't a competition. It's more like a marathon. Your position is always changing, but you're all in it for the long haul and the same end. I've spent the first 30 years sprinting at full speed and I'm bit exhausted.
I spent the better part of my 4-day Thanksgiving weekend just reflecting on that one line. Much how I've been reflecting on a lot of things. I'm slowly coming to terms that I cannot be amongst the greatest all the time. But I sure as hell can the greatest amongst myself. My family and friends don't need me to best person in the world, just to simply be the best version of myself. My son doesn't need a super mom, he just needs the mom that loves him. That in itself is far more than enough. I don't need to be Wonderwoman and tackle all the problems of the world, or everyone else's for that fact. I just need to tackle what is in front of me. Not to the side and definitely not what is behind me.
Now to take those words of mine and put them into play, that's something I'll have to work with over time. It's not as easy as just flipping a switch in behavior that's been ingrained into my DNA since birth. There are many people I look up to and want to get on their level, but it really is ok if I don't. It matters that I'm doing the best for myself, not them or anyone else.
Life isn't meant to be mastered in a day. Just master today and do that everyday.